@ wit's end

It's an enemy, I guess, when you find yourself in a place (or a position) you're unfamiliar with...

It sucks to find yourself doubting every little thing that you do or what the other people involved in your situation do... You either hurt yourself or hurt others by means you're not even sure how you did... Shit happens... Saying sorry isn't enough nowadays though. Even when it's heartfelt. I find it hard to deal with people at times just because you have to please them when you deal with them... or else...

*sigh* It's so complicated... I really really feel bad for how things are going on right now and just because of one thing... Is it something I deserve? Is it because I used to give people the cold shoulder? I didn't even realize that when people just forget to say what you want to hear, you could already hurt so much... I hate the feeling... especially when you're in a tight situation... I don't need this right now... *sigh*

Time to forget doubt and start to have faith... In myself and in others... and to keep my mouth shut... again...

Have you ever felt like you were torn apart by your heart and your mind? You can't judge what is right from wrong anymore and what's left is utter confusion.

It may sound cheesy or corny or whatever or some may even say that it's unlike me but I just started to notice these kind of things lately. Is my mind underdeveloped, then? Well, you can say that but there are a lot of things in this world that you wouldn't start to understand if you don't experience them.

When you think about something, it becomes complicated. The mind will always complicate things even if something is so simple. The heart on the other hand will most of the times contradict what the mind thinks. This of course, can only be applied in matters where the heart and the mind are mostly affected. A perfect example would be when one is faced with matters of LOVE. Other instances would be grave matters like facing someone's death or striving for one's dreams.

Don't you ever get tired of your mind always thinking of unnecessary things? I did. I got tired and luckily, I found a solution to it. It's a kind of Buddhism and I'm doing a thesis about it right now. It's called Zen Buddhism. It's a radical wing of Buddhism that departs from the doctrines of Buddhism. It focuses on self-awakening or enlightenment which aims to shake up the thinking mind by bombarding it with riddles, writings and acts that would really wake you up. It's fun. An example of that riddle is posted as the name of my blogsite.

Anyway, going back, you'd never have to actually think about these kinds of things. The crappy thoughts that always trouble you are baggages that have been placed there by the influences and preconceptions instilled in you by society. It's not important to think about this, as I've found out after having remembered Zen. What the heck are you supposed to think about anyway in matters of LOVE? If you LOVE somebody, don't be pessimistic. Give it your all and you'll have to think about nothing. If she doesn't want you, then she doesn't want you. Let go! If she wants you, then she wants you. That's it! Nothing to think about there but there are a lot of things to experience. Don't hold yourself back because your mind keeps on doing shitty things. Stop thinking so much. Then, and only then, will the heart and mind will feel and think the in same way.

Bakit ba parang hindi nag-iisip ang mga taong nagpapatakbo ng jeepney? Nakakabad trip! Puno na nga, papapasukin ka pa tapos sasabihin pang meron pang pwesto! Eh wala na nga eh, pagpipilitan pa nila! Tapos, mas mabuti na ngang nakasabit ka kasi mas komportable kaysa sa parang nakaupo ka lang sa hangin na nandun sa loob. Parang sira ano?

Minsan naman, nakalagay sa kanilang sign, Antipolo Sumulong Simbahan, tapos sasabihin nila, Simbahan lang. Edi sana, nilagay na lang nila, Simbahan para hindi na magkalabo labo. Kanina lang, napasakay ako sa jeep na Simbahan lang daw, tapos sumabit lang ako. Sabi pa nung konduktor na bata, ang kulet ko raw. Hindi ko naman narinig. Ang nakakainis pa, nakasabit na nga lang ako, nagrereklamo pa. Tapos, sa kalagitnaan nung biyahe, pinalipat ako nung batang konduktor sa may likod pa ng mga nakasabit para daw "mas madali" eh hindi naman mas madali. Bwisit pa kasi bigla pumreno yung siraulong driver kaya muntik na tumama ung leeg ko sa bubungan. Buti na lang, ung baba ko lang at ung dibdib ko ung tumama. Kahit na masakit, buti pa rin kse kung leeg yun, d ko alam kung ano na nangyari.

Maiintindihan mo naman na gusto lang nilang kumita eh kaya lang, parang sira naman sila kung sa sobrang yun lang ang nasa isip nila, hindi na nila naiisip yung serbisyo na dapat katumbas nung binabayad ng mga pasahero. Nakakainis talaga pag pinagpipilitan pa yung upuan kahit wala na. Parang mga bulag. Imbis na isipin nila kung gaano kalapad yung mga nakaupo, ang iisipin nila ay yung bilang na kasya doon sa jeep. Eh ang masama pa, parang wala silang utak na hindi iniisip na ang bilang na alam nila, kapag mga payat na mga tao lang yung nakasakay.

Nakakabad trip no? Ito yung mga bagay na mararanasan mo pag nagcocommute ka na wala ka namang magawa kahit anong galit ang gawin mo dahil maaawa ka na lang sa katangahan na pinapakita nila. Kahit naman pag sabihan, wala namang mangyayari dahil tigas ng ulo lang ang pinapairal nila.

Hindi sa sinasabi ko na lahat ng mga jeepney, ganun mag palakad ng kanilang serbisyo. Mayroon namang mga bihirang pagkakataon na may mga matitinong mga taong nagpapalakad ng mga jeepney service. Sana lang, imbis na mas maraming mga loko lokong jeepney people, mas marami na lang sana yung mga matitino. Kahit na walang mapapatunguhan ang paghihiling, hindi naman kasalanan ang humiling diba?

I don't have time to go out of my way or my plans like simply going to the movies nor visiting the condo of a friend. I've been too busy to think about such things that I'm living a life that would seem boring to every person who'd hear it. It's not like I'm complaining or anything, it's just that I've been neglecting my responsibilities as a friend. I haven't had the time to simply hang out with them for how many terms now. Is it my guilt haunting me now or is it just a simple thought? Haha, I guess I don't have to think about it that much since I can't go back in time just to fix this. Anyway, it just shows that we each have our own lives now that we can go on without the support of one another. It may be harsh to speak of this, given the time that we were all together. It's just that I've been reminiscing and I miss them. Haha, it's the feeling of nostalgia I guess. Anyway, back to work...

I figured that during your birthday, you're treated specially by the people who are aware of it. I had the inkling of telling everyone "Hey, it's my birthday today." just for the sake of wanting to be treated specially. Haha, but it's only a thought.

I had thought that this was just another day but it actually wasn't when evening came. Somebody I expected to be the one to spread the news actually forgot about it and then called during the evening to inform me the greatest birthday present there was for the day. Hahaha, but what was really fun about that phone call was that there was more of the giggling than the words. Hahaha, nakakatuwa.

During midnight, I even thought that it would be my last day and I began thinking if ever I will ever wake up if I closed my eyes. Then, my phone alarmed at 5:30am and I figured that it's not yet time. Today was also the day we were to present to defend the integrity of the organization, SoPhiA because it's Accreditation day. I quickly dressed up in a business attire and went to school. The morning seemed slow and inside the train, I felt breathless. I, again, thought of the last day on earth and was kinda being sarcastic about it. I never felt fear, and instead, I just waited patiently of what could've happened next.

Today, I learned that having birthdays gives you a ticket to be treated well. It's a day meant for you to be happy, no matter how terrible everything may seem. If others will know, they'll treat you nicely or specially. If they don't know, then it's just another day.

The day actually started out as a not so special day. As hours passed, I felt as if there's nothing at all. I was just waiting for everything to end. The night came, and the greatest gift came with it. It changed the whole day. That's why, right now, I'd probably say that it'd be real good to experience birthdays even for just once a year. You'd really need the break from all of your troubles and be treated specially, even for just a day. Thanks Miss Leslie for the wonderful present! :D

Astig ng title no? Haha, wala na ako maisip na iba eh. Bigla ko na lang naisipan na gumawa ng post about something na parati dumaraan sa isipan ko. Napaisip ako sandali at bigla lang pumasok itong tungkol sa mga kung ano anong naiisip ko tungkol sa buhay.

So far, napansin ko na sa dami ng ginagawa mo araw araw, nakukuha mo pa bang mag-isip kung para saan ang lahat ng ginagawa mo? Well, sa case ko, hindi na siguro kase kung nag-eenjoy ka naman o kaya kung gusto mo yung ginagawa mo, makukuha mo pa bang pag-isipan kung bakit mo ginagawa yun? Ang dahilan ko kase kung baket ko ginagawa ang isang bagay ay dahil sa gusto ko siyang gawin o kaya ay nag-eenjoy akong gawin iyon. Pero, hindi ibig sabihin na lahat ng ginagawa ko ay dahil lang sa enjoyment noon. Minsan, ang dahilan ko na rin ay dahil sa obligasyon ko iyon. Alam ko naman kung ano ang ipinapasok ko sa buhay ko at syempre, dapat panindigan ko ang mga ginawa kong desisyon.

Natatawa nga ako kapag naiisip ko kung gaano ka-immature ang mga tao eh. Gagawa sila ng katangahan, tapos magagalit kapag nalaman ng iba. Minsan naman, gagawa sila ng kalokohan, tapos sisisihin yung iba kung bakit hindi sila pinigilan. Andaming katangahan sa paligid tapos ang masama pa, halos lahat ng tao ay ganyan. Hindi marunong manindigan sa mga ginagawa nila. Nakakalungkot man isipin pero ganyan talaga, kelangan na lang tanggapin na ang mga tao sa paligid mo ay may ugaling ganyan. Di talaga maiswasan eh...

Grabe, mas sobra pa kung makikita mo na ang pinag-aawayan o pinagkakaguluhan ng grupo ng mga tao ay dahil sa mga crushes o anu man. Haay, nawalan na ako ng oras, ituloy ko nlng next time.

In my last post, I wrote about enjoying life. It may have been somehow relating to suicidal people. I'd prefer to impart information to them on how to prevent themselves from committing this huge mistake of killing themselves. Well, from what I've heard, everyone has a suicidal tendency. I think it's stronger for those who have no way of releasing stress. That's why whenever I have free time, I try my best to relax my mind. Here are some links to the games that I play. They're online though and you'd require internet access.

http://www.maplestory.nexon.net, http://www.tricksteronline.com, http://www.ragnarok.ph

If you guys have time, try these games. It can release stress and it can also take your mind off of things. Anyway, it really depends on what makes you feel relaxed. This thing works wonders for me.

I've noticed something from reading my blogs... I'm kinda being pro-life, aren't I? Anyway, I can see that my life is totally different from you or any body else's but still, I can say that living life is hard at some point but fun at another. It's so simple yet so complicated that whenever you ask why you're alive, you can't come up with an answer quickly. That happened to me before especially during my high school days. I never did have any answer ready whenever I was asked of that question. Right now, we're entertaining guests from California and London. They are Melissa, Katrina and Jonathan. We're about the same age and yet, we're so different. It seems that they're enjoying themselves right now. They're upstairs singing their lungs out and here I am, downstairs, typing for my project. It's not that I really really need to have a grade. It's just that it's my duty to be submitting all of my assignments and requirements to the professor.

I'm taking up review sessions from Ahead in Katipunan every Sunday which starts at 1pm and ends up at 5. Everyday, I go to school, including Saturdays even though I have no classes during Saturdays. It seems that I've no time to rest but I can't say that it's terrible. Actually, my body has gotten used to it that I don't get sick that often anymore, although when I get sick, it's very bad. Right now, I can say that I'm enjoying my life in a way that's very different from others. I'm enjoying going to school since I have different things to do everyday. I have work for the org and I have requirements to pass and I get to have fun with the professors and the philosophy alumni like Ate Janna and Kuya Ambo.

There are hardships in my life but I can say that they're there because it would help me improve myself. That's the reason why this world was made to be filled with evil, well, it's like that for me anyway. Imagine where there existed a world that was always peaceful and causes no hardships to people at all. It's unimaginable, right? Well, that's because you can't remove the fact that we all have problems and are faced with the harsh reality everyday.

Even though there are a lot of obstacles in our path, there'll always be something to achieve in the end. Giving up half way is a stupid thing to do and I know that there are a lot of people who have done that. Well, it is stupid for me anyway. Life is there to be enjoyed the way you want it to be enjoyed. You just have to be creative so that you'd be able to use your life up to its full potential. Just like the egoist philospher Max Stirner had said, Live life like a burning candle.

If you don't know what SSDD means, then here's what it means. Same Shit Different Day. Have you ever felt that you've been doing the same things everyday? This can be viewed in Albert Camus' philosophy of the absurd. You may think that I'm being too academic but this is because this is something that would be graded. Anyway, since I'm enjoying writing about these stuff, then, maybe I'd continue this even after it has already been checked.

When I was in high school, I felt this "SSDD" thing the most. In the morning, I woke up, got dressed, went to school, spent my whole day there, then went back home and went to sleep. Everyday, I did those things and there were days that I got tired of it that I sometimes made up reasons not to go to class. I remember, one time, I was so bored of doing the same things everyday, I told my mom that my head hurt. I did that for a week that we ended up going to the doctor. The doctor diagnosed it as stress. I didn't make up the headache reason during the first day though. I really felt the pain during the first day but the following days, I just made the reason up. Anyway, that's what happens to me when I feel the routinary absurd taking over my life.

When I entered college, somehow, I haven't felt that my life is routinary at all. Though I travel everyday the same way, it's still different each day. I feel that every moment of my life is different. Every breath I take, it's different. It's all because I've learned enough philosophies to apply to my life to make every step I take interesting. There were also events in my college life that made my life more intersting. I was even given the opportunity to be a part of an organization which has taught me a lot of things in life. Thanks to that, I now am able to live my life with different events occurring each day.

Whenever you feel the absurdity of life, I can only say that the only solution to this is following what Nietzsche had said. Live dangerously. That way, you'd kick the boredom away from your day. I've tried it and it's fun! :p

Darn... I was able to finish this already but when I tried to save it, it didn't appear in my site so I have to repeat it all over again.

Have you ever asked yourself what your life meant or why you exist? Well, I have asked myself about it a lot of times especially when I'm depressed. Sometimes, I felt that maybe I'm just dreaming or I'm a different consciousness and everything that I see are all illusions. It was quite hard to get in touch with reality sometimes whenever these questions popped into my head. There were even times when I thought that maybe I had an opposite consciousness on the other side of the world. Those were the times when I had a shallow grasp of reality. It happened before I entered college. When I entered college, I took up philosophy, and then found all my answers about existence and life.

During my first year, I had taken up Sartre. He quickly became my favorite philosopher. I wanted to learn more about his existentialism. By the way, I learned of him in my INTPHIL class through Ms. Laureen. It was a great experience especially because since I was a kid, I've been pathetic enough to believe that sometimes, I had nothing to do with my actions at all. I believed that there really are times that are out of your hand. Surprisingly, Sartre's philosophy opened my eyes that in life, there are decisions to make and there are decisions that really are hard to make. I mean, according to his philosophy, accidents can never happen. What he meant by this would be because in a situation that you think was an accident, you must consider the fact that you chose to do that action and ended up in a situation like that. For example, you crossed the road and ended up getting hit by a truck and dying in the process. This is not an accident because you chose to cross the road. Sartre says that these are just coincidences.

In my 2nd year of college, I had a class called ZENBUDD. Here, I learned of how to view things in a simple way. I was greatly affected by its teachings that I tried incorporating them in my everyday life. In this philosophy, you view things as they are. For example, you'd view a chair as a chair. You'd expect nothing else from it since it's a chair. It's so simple that sometimes, people don't get it at all. Through this view, I learned of my meaning of life. I now view life as a game which I play. It's a game in a sense that sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but it doesn't matter at all. You live because, right now, you are breathing. That's how it is. You don't have to complicate things at all. The worst thing here for most of those who learn it is that you have to be satisfied with a simple answer. For me, the best thing in this philosophy is that there are no needs and no musts. There's no need for eating, studying, or bathing at all. So why do I do those things, you ask? Well, I take a bath because of compassion. Of course, it'd be bad for those people who'd be with you if you don't take a bath. Why do I study? Well, it's because it's part of my life as a student. Of course, that's what a student does. Finally, why do I eat? Well, it's because I'm hungry. If you're hungry, wouldn't you eat as well?

Anyway, the meaning of life is a question asked by a lot of people. Sometimes, even at the brink of death, people still don't know why they lived. The main point here is that each of us have our own beliefs of our meaning of our lives but if you simplify it, you live your life because you breathe. If you don't breathe, do you think you'd be alive? You're there to play the game of life. Do you have to have a deeper reason to exist? Be satisfied with an answer as simple as that and you'll be able to accept life easier. I speak out of experience. ^_^

I'm sorry for putting up lousy titles but I'm doing that coz I want the posts for my project to be recognized immediately. This post is about death which I presume everybody has experienced through their relatives or through looking at the news or any other media related source. If you haven't really had any direct experience of death through another person or even just another "once a living thing", then please visit this site: www.dailyrotten.com.

Have you ever felt of dying? Honestly, I don't seem to think of the future that much that it leads me to think that I'm going to die soon. I can only assume since that's just a gut-feeling that I feel whenever I think about my future. I never really managed to foresee what I'd become about ten years from now. Maybe that's why death is always in my mind whenever I think about the future or when I wake up in the morning and I still find myself breathing. The thought of life ending always enters my mind yet it doesn't stop me from doing my daily activities. I even thought of death when I experienced consecutive illnesses like when I had low blood pressure and then I busted my shoulder and before that I had a flu that caused me to be dizzy all the time. These are part of our human condition, our existence as finite beings. We can never part from these facts of our existence. The fact that we experience times which makes us so down that we think of death coming near us.

In remembering all these, I suddenly remembered Heidegger and his philosophy regarding the Dasein. I remembered its description as a being towards death. The difference from a Dasein and a Dasman in regard to death is that the Dasein can accept the fact that he'll someday die yet he is still able to accept life and go on with it. The Dasman on the other hand will not accept death as a part of life and instead, hide himself in his daily activities. I wanted to say all these because there will be those who'll read this post who would not know what a Dasein or a Dasman is. Anyway, proceeding on, which do you think would suit you well? Are you a Dasein or a Dasman? If you still do not understand their differences, here are examples of a Dasein or a Dasman. If you don't know who Nietzsche is, then try looking for his biography in this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nietzsche. He's a prime example of a Dasein. Basing his life on his philosophy, I'd say he'd really be an authentic man since his philosophy involves living dangerously. That'd mean that you'd be really ready to face anything since you'd be facing danger in his philosophy. Jesus could also be said as someone who'd be an example of a Dasein since he lived his life with the thought of dying yet his being appointed to do so means that he cannot fully be recognized as a Dasein.

Departing from Heidegger's idea of facing death, I'd also like to talk about life since death is the absence of life. I can't say how you should say life boldly since everyone can live his own life according to how he wants to live it. That's why I'm only going to write here about my idea of how life can be lived.

You live only once, that's obvious, if you'd be an empiricist or if you are a hedonist, or if you only believe what you can experience or what you ca see. It can only be assumed if you believe that there is life after death or if there's heaven or hell. Anyway, since you can see this as a fact, it'd be better if you're able to make full use of it. I'm not saying to try everything you see, but be practical and moderate in using your life. According to a philosopher, I think it was Max Stirner, "Live life like a burning candle." It's because living life is using life up. Cherish the moments that you have and always practice carpe diem. After all, you never know when you'll die.. :D

The Street

Stephen Dobyns

Across the street, the carpenter carries a golden
board across one shoulder, much as he bears the burdens
of his life. Dressed in white, his only weakness is
temptation. Now he builds another wall to screen him.

The little girl pursues her bad red ball, hits it once
with her blue racket, hits it once again. She must
teach it the rules balls must follow and it turns her
quite wild to see how it leers at her, then winks.

The oriental couple wants always to dance like this:
swirling across a crowded street, while he grips
her waist and che slides to one knee and music rises
from cobblestones--some days Ravel, some days Bizet.

The departing postulant is singing to herself. She
has seen the world's salvation asleep in a cradle,
hanging in a tree. The girl's song makes
the sunlight, makes the breeze that rocks the cradle.

The baker's had half a thought. Now he stands like a pillar
awaiting another. He sees white flour falling like snow,
covering people who first try to walk, then crawl,
then become rounded shapes: so many loaves of bread.

The baby carried off by his heartless mother is very old and
for years has starred in silent films. He tries to explain
he was accidentally exchanged for a baby on a bus, but he can
find no words as once more he is borne home to his awful bath.

First the visionary workman conjures a great hall, then
he puts himself on the stage, explaining, explaining:
where the sun goes at night, where flies go in winter, while
attentive crowds of dogs and cats listen in quiet heaps.

Unaware of one another, these nine people circle around
each other on a narrow city street. Each concentrates
so intently on the few steps before him, that not one
can see his neighbor turning in exactly different,

yet exactly similar circles around them: identical lives
begun alone, spent alone, ending alone--as separate
as points of light in a night sky, as separate as stars
and all that immense black space between them.

Why this? Well, before I start, I'd like to mention a few things about this work of art. To understant this ekphrastic art better, check out the poet first. visit this link which leads to Stephen Dobyns' autobiography: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Dobyns.

Let's proceed to the analysis:

As you read the poem, you'd feel as though you're not in touch with reality. You can see these things when you read the lines about a carpenter carrying a golden board, dressed in white. Other things about the painting which feels like you're in a dream can be found in the lines about the little girl and her bad red ball, the oriental couple dancing the Tango, and the baby being carried off by his heartless mother. You can feel like these are events which could happen only in dreams because they are somehow impossible when seen in the light of reality. As you can see, how can a carpenter wear white clothes as his profession would make him dirty all the time? How can he carry a golden board especially since gold is very heavy to begin with? How can a red ball be bad and why would an oriental couple dance the Tango which is a western dance? These things make it unreal for them to happen in reality especially since since the art form points out reality and surreality.

Besides those, after all those things about surreality and reality, we encounter a paragraph, which moves away from that which it points out. Here comes the existential part in the poem. In the 8th stanza, we can see that it points out that the people are unaware of one another. We can see no direct interaction between the characters in the painting besides the oriental couple dancing. Even if the street is narrow, it was still possible for them that they actually not interact with each other. It portrays how life is. We exist and it doesn't matter if others actually exist around us. We can only control what's in our reach, what's in our lives; only what we own. According to Sartre, Hell is the other. Why? It's because we can't control others. We cannot make ourselves the center of their lives, which makes us suffer. Yes, it somehow is against my beliefs that this would make my life terrible but this is just a view presented by Jean Paul Sartre. As to Heidegger's view, I think I can relate this with the average everydayness of the life of a Dasein. We live each day doing things faced with the fact that our existence is very personal. We are born through our parents and as we grow up, we experience things with our own interpretations viewing these experiences. We interpret them according to our own views. Then, we are faced with the fact that we die. This death, is personal and no other person can experience death for us. We separate ourselves from the "they". This is what a Dasein would do. He would not hide in his everyday activities or be dictated by the "they" to not face the fact that he/she is going to die some day. You can relate the painting with his view. The people are busy doing their own thing. I can say that each of these people can be interpreted as a Dasein living in a small street.

The last stanza ends it perfectly. It exactly emphasizes the existential life. We live and die and the life we live is a personal one. Nobody can live it for us.

We've started our review for law school just recently... and it seems that I'm starting to freak out because of all the things that they're muttering about how hard law school is. What freaks me out the most is about having to get shouted at a lot of times in law school... Our proctor this afternoon was a UP Law graduate and she's really a good teacher and she accepts her mistakes (accdg to kuya paul), so I believe that she was probably telling those things from past experiences... Whew... I'm kinda disheartened to continue but my future tells me to go on... Haha, again, I'm at the point of confusion... Well, I'm not that stupid to give up so easily.

Next Saturday, Aug. 18, we'll be taking our comprehensive exams and still, I haven't begun to study hard for it... I'm so lazy! Even so, I've started recalling about past lessons so that I'd have an idea at least... For now, I'm focusing on the things that are needed immediately like my presentation for the finals in LITELEC... I haven't even prepared the powerpoint presentation yet!... Haaay, life is difficult if you want to make it difficult for you... and I'm making it difficult for myself but I'm not complaining... I'm just stating an observation.

Anyway, hell week will be coming soon so I'm expecting that next week will be very hectic... Goodluck to all the students out there taking their prelims and finals...

It's funny how we seem to see others more than ourselves. It's so unfair that we always judge others by how they act and how they present themselves upon us but we most of the times neglect to look at our own selves. We forget that we also have errors of our own.

Life is broad. We shouldn't put any limitations on others. Otherwise, Hell, is indeed, the other, according to Sartre... I'm free and so are you. What makes you think otherwise? Accidents don't even matter. They are merely coincidences. Imagine someone gets hit by a car while crossing the road. Now, why would you not consider it as an accident? In the first place, if that person hadn't crossed the road, then he wouldn't have been hit. Is it unfair? Yes, but that's just the way how life works. You can't have everything going your way.

It's a simple truth that we all have to live with. Life cannot be predicted and no matter how many times you look at the stars, the constellations, etc, you still wouldn't even find a single truth about your future. You can just always assume. Even if your eyes become red staring at the stars, nothing but assumptions will come to your mind. Assumptions can become correct but they can only have a small chance of coming true.

I'm dizzy again, so I'll go to sleep. Hehe... See you next time...

Why is it that it is easier to see the bad things than the good ones?

Why do we overlook the good things that happen to us?

Why do we not feel blessed all the time?

Why is there evil in this world?

Why ask these?

Why?

It's funny how we see each other everyday when we were just froshees. Now, I'm the one welcoming the incoming froshees... aside from that, we never see each other at all...

It's funny how we think that we're all alike in some way, or is it because each and every one of us encourages another to do the best that we can, including our studies of course. I remember everyone misunderstanding my thoughts and actions every now and then especially when we were froshees. I became used to it and became more and more silent, became very passive...

Now, I don't think I deserve to be in THAT group since I never seem to stand out inside it. I always seem to be pressed down, not being able to achieve my potentials inside that particular group. I don't know for sure why it has come into my mind to write these things.

Maybe I just miss everybody saying how they misunderstand me and say that what I say are from out of this world. They think I'm insensitive, but they never thought that they were basing everything that they were saying in their own perspectives and ideals. They never thought that what comes out from my mind and my mouth are those which are from my being.

They didn't try to understand how my mind words, not that I care but the worst thing I've encountered was when I realized that they wouldn't really care about what I think. It's sad to say that they've never really cared for what I have to say, although they enjoyed toying with what I have to say. They turn it into a laugh trip despite the seriousness I put into my words.

Although I've said that I was misunderstood back then, it seems that it really pays off not to speak so that you wouldn't be misunderstood but the only problem is that you become mysterious in their eyes.

I sensed that there are still a lot of things that the people there do not understand about what really matters. They think too much about this and that regarding their friendship but they neglects what really is important in their lives. They corner one person into embarassment without thinking of the feelings of that person but fortunately, that person himself is understanding enough to withstand all the embarassing situations he is placed into.

I do not speak lowly of this group. I only speak the truth which I have observed. It is fun being with them with their needless celebrations even though this celebration has never happened to me yet. If I speak of what people lack in this group, they start to criticize. That is why I have decided not to do so but I will say that there's still a room for improvement in their lives. Actually, if I were to give a description, there'd be a thousand hectare lot in their heads needing to be tended to. They're forgetting the importance of why they hung out together before.

Maturity is based on how you act. Unfortunately, there are times when they act immature. I am not a preacher but I do say that these truths which I have observed since then can give them hints in changing their ways. Yes, you have to accept each and every person as a whole, but, from what I saw, I myself, experienced being shunned because I acted in a specific way that didn't suit their tastes.

Life is complicated. I do not have any idea about the right and wrong answers in life but I do know that sometimes it hurts to do these actions towards others even though we think that they amuse us. I've been a victim but I don't regret being with them during those times. This time, I hope that they realize that it's not yet over.

You may think that I'm acting like an idiot or something by saying these selfish things, but before you say that, please think about why you are saying such things. Is the reason that you're saying such demeaning things is because it hurt you when I said them here? These are things which I see, not which I invented out of whim.

Please, remember everything that we've been through and do something about what you are to do in the future. Think about it but always remember that it's always the NOW which is most important.

Everytime I hear the sentence, "I won't change no matter what!", I kinda feel like someone is saying something very stupid.

No matter how hard you try, changing is inevitable. Even though you think that you haven't changed one bit, others would think otherwise. Heck, we don't even fully know ourselves so how should we be able to say for sure that we changed or not.

Right now, so many things have changed. From a VP-Externals, I've been appointed to become an EVP, then was left alone by our "should be" mentors. Though I started out without anything, I'm sure I've grown fond of my job especially since we've recruited a lot of new officers.

Ironically, thanks to kuya Dodoy's connections, our president, our organization was able to acquire officers having majors in Accounting. It's fun nonetheless. Being tasked to this position has been fun also. I dunno whether it's a curse or a blessing but I'm sure that I'm enjoying the ups and downs of my job.

Hopefully, I'll be able to see more bright sides of this predicament rather than those gloomy ones. ^_^

Not so long ago I was a child, following the mother duck wherever she went.

Now, it's no more. I've grown independent, seeking my own way.

Am I really? I ask myself... I don't think so, not completely...

I've never been alone, because I have my family, yet, why do I feel so...?

Last two weeks, I was suddenly left, I had finals to finish, or did I decide to be left alone?

It was a first, but it's not so bad. Being the man of the house would help me understand...

"Maturity?", I asked my uncle, he replied... It doesn't matter what your age is, it's what's inside... Being able to realize your responsibilities and being able to accomplish them...

It's unfair, isn't it? What about those who are autistic? Will they ever be mature?

I guess, it's just another way of interpreting a person... You can't be totally mature at all...

It's your actions that could be categorized whether you'd be mature or not...

Life huh? It's so complicated... Just live it, don't waste it... It may be unfair sometimes, but do what you can, and you'll be fine... Doesn't matter whether you're mature or not...

That's life... So unpredictable yet it can be so fun... and so sad... You can't grasp anything at all... You shouldn't... because you'd only find yourself in error...

Don't waste any of your precious time thinking. Experience life as it should be...